Midpoints

I remember returning to Aon after the winter holiday break, approximately 6 months from my first day as a Benefits Analyst. I’d been extremely anxious at the start of my career, including irrational fears that one day I would come into work, be given an assignment that I wasn’t capable of doing, then be immediately fired for incompetency. Thankfully that never happened, and as time progressed my anxiety began to decline. Then, returning from a full week trip to Chicago in January of 2010, I realized something; I was comfortable with my job. No, I wasn’t 100% sure of myself, and no, I didn’t feel like master and commander of my daily schedule, but I did return with a sense of stability, a feeling like, “Okay – this is what this job is like. I think I can handle this.”

I tell this story because this past Friday marked the end of our students’ second quarter, a midpoint in the school year. It was approximately 6 months ago that I led my first reading class at Hyde, 6 months ago that I truly began my career as a teacher. (I don’t count Institute – TFA’s Summer Institute was a flash bang of sleepless nights, frantic planning, professional development, and other memories that blur into one 6-week Pollock-esque piece of personal history). Conveniently, this 6-month mark coincided with a weekend that my roommates were away, one in New Jersey and one in Washington D.C. Unexpectedly, I found myself with a quiet apartment and not much of a weekend itinerary. I used the time to hang up some pictures that had been buried under my bed, one of Chicago, a collage of friends from Denver, another of the University of Illinois, a holiday gift from my school, and still a fifth that I’d purchased on the streets of Barcelona. I hung those, did my laundry, worked on graduate school, planned lessons, cooked food, real food, using a recipe from a cookbook, drank wine, fixed our squeaky dryer and relaxed to my favorite shows on Netflix. It sounds like quite a bit of activity, but really, it was calm and allowed me some time to collect my thoughts. Perhaps it’s just been a good weekend, but here’s what I’m thinking; I’m comfortable with my job.

A picture of my pictures.

I get that I’m a first year teacher and understand why that is so challenging. I never really know exactly if what I’m teaching or how I’m teaching it is the “right” way to go about it. But that’s okay. I’m a really good person and I’m working really hard and my kids really trust me because they see who I am; we’re going to accomplish great things together this year. And no, they might not get 3’s on their New York State English Language Arts exams, but they will understand who Mr. Williams is, why literacy is beautiful, how successful acquisition of reading skills correlates to their achievement of life goals; even if they can’t state it that way.

I really love my kids and am so happy that I get to spend each day with them. They can be mean, they can be non-responsive, they can make me feel stupid and often do, but they’re good little people with complex lives and they can frequently surprise me with moments of excellence, joy and appreciation. That’s what this is about, right? I’m here to help people; I’m here to strengthen communities and promote goodness, knowledge, and personal growth. It’s a cool job, and I’m looking forward to getting a lot better at it.

I’m excited for my future, but pretty stoked about the present as well. Again, maybe this is just a nice blog entry – one of the good ones I put up so that, in the darker times, I can return to it and think, “Hmm… maybe today stinks, but look at this day. This one didn’t seem too bad.”

So future self, future me, looking at this and coming off of a terrible day, know this – it’s not all bad. You’re doing a great thing and I am very proud of you. Sincerely, The Josh of Teaching Past