A More Thorough Reflection of Weeks 1 and 2

The first crisp hints of fall were felt this week, reminding me, as I performed my obligatory 6:30 AM walk to the train, that time is passing; seasons are changing. I suppose it is mid-September after all. But, for some reason, this decrease in degrees Fahrenheit has made me really acknowledge the permanence of my new situation. I live in New York. I live here in the fall, winter, spring and summer. One year from now, this cycle will repeat; I will live here in the fall, winter, spring, and summer of 2013. And most likely... Well, you get the idea.

Life is good. Challenging, with a capital C and a capital HALLENGING, but good. I spend anywhere from 14 - 16 hours a day working and commuting, and the other 8 - 10 hours sleeping and eating, but most of the rigor of this schedule is self-inflicted, so I'm not complaining. It's interesting to me though. In my past life, I would spend late nights and weekends at the office, slaving away at something that I didn't really care about. Budget projections, renewal presentations, system updates. I did this because, somewhere along the road, either from genes or upbringing, I picked up an incorrigible work ethic that I can't seem to rid myself of. But now, even though my hardheaded habits remain, I find joy and purpose in the work I'm doing, so it doesn't seem so miserable. Sure, I'll spend 3 hours putting together a class presentation for my next lesson, and a little bit of extra effort to write out short stories that incorporate the names and interests of my 8 students (in order that I might attract their desperately volatile spans of attention), but I know that if I do it right, class will go well and my kids will learn - which is one small step to empowering them and providing the world with a more promising future.

Enough of my rambling, I'm sure you want details. I teach 5 periods a day, 2 classes of reading, 2 classes of math, and a class that fluctuates daily. My reading classes are super small - this is when I just spend time with my 8th grade special education students. There is one class of 5 students and one class of 3 students. This is very precious time and I do my best to use it wisely. For math, I co-teach approximately 25 students (per class) with another gentlemen. I never know if I should publicly blog about someone without first requesting their consent, so let's call him Mr. Deion. Mr. Deion is an experienced teacher who spent years working in high schools in Brooklyn. I'm excited to work with him and learn from him. My final class changes depending on the day of the week. Sometimes I teach remediation math and reading from a very structured, and by structured I mean boring, test prep book; other days I lead a Discovery Group. Discovery Groups are unique to my school. Basically, it is a 57-minute period where small groups of all male or all female students get together with one teacher, and hold meaningful discussions about life, conflict and character. My Discovery Group this week was absolutely bananas, mainly because it didn't know I was teaching it until moments beforehand, but I think that if I do it right it will be beneficial, for the kids and me.

In terms of my mindset, very rarely do I feel like I know what the hell I am doing, but I think that's okay. I am helping my school and my students, even if I don't have set plans from now until June. Truthfully, I don't really have plans from now until Friday, but hopefully I get that taken care of this weekend. I think there are a few reasons I am no longer freaking out quite so much, and trust me, there were moments in recent memory during which my freak-out-meter was running at threat level midnight.

The first is that it’s unhealthy to operate at an unsustainable level of stress over a prolonged period of time. This is a very scientific way of saying that you can’t take things too seriously or your life will be a major drag and you’ll have a break down. I have established a daily routine, I’m settling into my apartment, I know what I expect of myself and how hard I will work this year, but I refuse to choke myself with unnecessary pressure. I’m making time for me, even if only on weekends, to recharge and recommit. I am actively controlling the stress release valve throughout a high stress experience.

The second is that I have begun to really trust my instincts. After all, they have brought me here. And right now, my instincts tell me that my passion and my joy will get me through this year. Don’t lose those, I think to myself, and you’ll be fine. I also should give a small shout out at this time. Before heading east, I had the chance to stand in front of a class of College of Dupage freshmen students and give a brief lesson on what Teach for America is, thanks to a friend of my mine and college professor, Robb Frank. Robb took notes on my presentation and gave them to me. “Passionate” was the last scribble he wrote at the end of the notecard, and that’s the most important thing I took away from my very first lesson. Passion and joy – don’t lose those and you’ll be fine.

The last reason I think I’m okay comes from a quote. General H. Norman Schwarzkopf, commander of the Coalition Forces in the Persian Gulf War of 1991, once said, “Leadership is a combination of strategy and character. If you must be without one, be without strategy.” (I know this because I’ve recently been collecting quotes, not studying up on my Persian Gulf War History). If there is one thing I am convinced of, it is my character. This quote gives me solace.

I know who I am and what I believe in. I try my best to always make decisions based on what is right vs. what isn’t. I know that this year, and beyond, I will continue to hold myself to a high standard, to help others, and to work hard. As a result, I have very little doubt in the outcome of my life. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t feel like I am in control – nope, not in control one bit – but with what I can control, my attitude and my effort and my curiosity, I am fairly certain I will guide into excellence. What I am interested to know is where all of this amused optimism and self-assertion will take me.

Stay tuned I guess.

Your friend and American teacher,

Josh