My Bookshelf and Me

I just bought a bookshelf. This might not be a momentous occasion, but in truth, I haven’t checked in with you in a while, so I thought I’d let you know how I’m doing. I’m doing well, as is my new bookshelf.

My new bookshelf is right at home.

Perhaps the fact that I find a recently purchased bedroom organizer as noteworthy is an indication of the regularity that has nestled into my life. Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but let’s just say there is a connection there. Plus, I wouldn’t tie these random thoughts together if I didn’t find some truth in them. So yes, my life is more ordered now, thanks to the bookshelf of course, but also the organic development of routines and the passage of time. I feel better at my job and more confident in my ability to navigate the trials and tribulations of graduate school. I still don’t feel like much more than an ordinary educator or any real sense of excellence, but I’ve grown accustomed to teaching and am, as one friend put it, “comfortable being uncomfortable” - a requirement of the profession I’ve found.

What else? Well, I’m rapidly approaching the conclusion of my 2-year commitment to Teach For America, a milestone I will be proud to have reached, in time. This has also been the source of a certain amount of anxiety for my friends and I. There is a looming feeling of, Oh crap – this is almost over. What am I going to do now? Fortunately, there isn’t any clause written into our contracts stating that we must make a change at the end of the 24-month experience. Therefore, some of us will stick around and keep on a-teaching for the U.S. of A. Others will look elsewhere for opportunities in education, non-profit, business, and beyond. Currently, I’m gravitating toward the former. I believe there is a lot I have left to offer as a master of discomfort, and think I can achieve great things as a third year teacher. Also, I am in love with a woman who thinks New York City is the bees’ knees and would like to stay here for at least another year. I suppose this also has impacted my decision. After that though, who knows? I still harken to yearnings for adventure and exploration. I’ve always flirted with idea of heading west to California, or even been so bold as to consider a departure beyond these continental states. South America, Spain – really anywhere so long as there is good wine, good food, and good people. Carmen (mi amor) is on board too. But that is more of a pipe dream than a tactical plan. Nevertheless, now that thought is on the Internet, which is one digital step toward making it a reality – am I right?

If they're written on the Internet, your dreams will come true!

In short, I am happy. I have love in my life, for my girlfriend, my friends, my family, my students, my cities, and my God. I have faith in myself and in the path I have chosen and I have hope for my future and its infinite possibilities. As always, this doesn’t mean I live in absence of pain, anxiety, or all things unpleasant. They are there all the same, in paradox with an underlying state of grace; I am at peace. Maybe it’s because I do yoga a lot, maybe it’s because I drink tea and light candles once in a while, but I believe my tranquility transcends because I took a risk around 2 years ago and decided to chase a calling, abandoning the security of my former routines to seek a more authentic version of myself. I’m still journeying toward that ideal, but I think I’m getting warmer.

Regardless, at least now I have a freagin’ sweet bookshelf.