Love - May I Never Lose You

The problem with blogs is, you have to keep them updated or they are rendered irrelevant. My deepest apologies for so much dead air. A lot has happened since my return from Turkey, and even though I never got around to finishing my inventory of events, they are preserved in my memory. Also, I hope you know that even though I haven't been publicizing my past few months, I have been enjoying myself and reflecting on my final weeks as a first year teacher. Actually, about two weeks ago I was in Ephraim, Wisconsin, a tiny town in Door County that rests beautifully on the water. I composed this reflection - enjoy.

(Written on July 2nd, 2012)

I do not know exactly how I made it through my first year as a teacher. I guess, to be cliché, the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. For me, that step was simply making the decision to become a teacher and having the courage to head east to New York, a place I had never been. From there, the pacing continued; a flurry of activity in Queens, New York, scrambling to put together lesson plans and learn the critical components of pedagogy during the longest days of my life. I taught summer school for five grueling weeks at MS 331 in the Bronx – God, most of the time I wonder how I even made it that far. Then onto the first days of school in September, using Power Points as a crutch to guide my lessons, my journal as a companion for reflection, my relationships with others a stronghold to sustain my mental integrity. I was going to graduate school as well, which counter intuitively seemed to help matters, both socially and with regard to my new role as educator. I made it through the periods, the days, the weeks and eventually the quarters. At some point in December, I reached a moment of equilibrium, when I realized I did have a handle on things, and I got the sense that I would make it, if I only focused on each day, each step, in this incredible journey.

It’s July now and I write to you from one of the most peaceful places on the planet, although I’m sure there are many. Ephraim, Wisconsin, a harbor town frozen in time. I was on vacation here approximately fourteen years ago and it hasn’t changed a bit. The water still sparkles as you watch it, the sun hanging lazily in the sky. Wilson’s is still the best place to get ice cream and the drive-in is thriving on summer blockbusters, a double feature of Brave and The Avengers. It’s funny sometimes to realize that all of the places in your memory still exist without you; perhaps you still exist with them.

But now, I find myself in that place of reflection, an essential visitation for all good teachers. What did I do well? What could I have done better? What do I hope for my next year? I don’t know if I’m ready to tackle the logistics of those questions just yet; maybe just finding a peaceful moment to myself is good enough for now. Accepting the finality of my first year, appreciating the smiles and regrets that accompany it. I am proud of the progress that my students made, I am proud of myself, and I am okay with the countless errors explored along the way. I am growing, and just like a child, I am not perfect, I stumble along the way. I guess that is why our first step is such a milestone; it is symbolic of so many more steps to come, places to see, thousand mile journeys to take. I have made that first step and many more – now I look to the sun-soaked horizon and I see nothing but beauty and endless possibility.

I will say this - the one foundational lesson I’ve learned about good teaching and good living - love must be the cornerstone of all things. I’m sure I will be unwrapping what I mean by that for the eternity of my days, but what I think I mean is that if you have love, if you give it freely to others and chase it when the opportunities arise, you will be okay wherever it is you go. I show love and respect to my students; when they know how much I care about them and how hard I am trying to help them, they accept me and all of my failures, my quirkiness, my newness to the profession. I seek out love in my relationships with my family and my friends; I call people to see how they’re doing, not to “grow my network” as business majors might profess, but because sharing my life with other people sustains me and I find joy and solace in those interactions. The greatest thing about love however, is that it is free. Again, all things cliché, but sometimes the cliché and the honest can exist together; they are not mutually exclusive, or at least I don’t think.

So as I move forward from this beautiful day and this restful vacation into the grind of graduate school and year two planning, I hope to never lose sight of my life’s compass. It is simply a word, but it is a great and powerful word best said with the sincerity of a smile. Love; may I never lose you.